Monday, February 20, 2012

Romney Rightward Ho!

"Hey, guys. . . . Have you guys heard that I'm a conservative? That's right. I'm very conservative, extremely conservative in fact. Some folks say I'm painfully, even EXCRUCIATINGLY conservative. You guys want conservative? I'm your man. I'm excessively, unaccountably conservative. You thought Mussolini was on the right? Well, I'm further right than God. Yep. Some of my plans--I mean, to raise wars and cut taxes--some of them even God would find outlandish. And does. He tells me so. 'C'mon, Mitt,' God said to me the other day, 'don't you think that's a bit much?' 'Well, Lord,' I said, 'I'm a conservative. I'm not here to take any guff, see?' Which is true. I'm a conservative. I'm SEVERELY conservative. I'm a dyed in the blood, born in the wool, pry it from my dead frozen fingers conservative. You guys, right here, show me some brownish-looking foreigner, and I'll shoot him right on the stage here, right in front of your eyes. Yep. I'll shoot the bastard just for being a no-good foreigner, just for not saying the Pledge of Allegiance, I'll shoot him right here and now--that's the kind of conservative I am. I'm an ULTRACONSERVATIVE. . . . Huh? What's that? French? Oh, c'mon! NO, I don't speak French. Who told you that? I don't speak nothin'--I'm a conservative after all. Did I ever mention that I'm a conservative? Yep, I'm SOLIDLY conservative. I'm on the FAR RIGHT. They don't come more conservative than me. You know, people often say to me, 'Mitt,' they say, 'what we want is a real conservative.' Well, let me tell you. . ."

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