Thursday, July 5, 2012

Two Kinds of Republicans

There are two kinds of Republicans: smart Republicans and idiotic Republicans.

Smart Republicans vote for their party because they are cutthroat greedy bastards and they see that Republican policies benefit them economically--the rest of the world (and human history) be damned. This group is in the minority.

Idiotic Republicans (often called, appropriately, "the Base") vote for their party because they sincerely believe its policies are protecting America and securing the country's future. Most idiotic Republicans also believe (which is astounding really!) that their party's policies are somehow connected to Christian values.

Smart Republicans will often talk like idiotic Republicans when they are in idiotic company or in front of a microphone (it's called hypocrisy). When they're with other smart Republicans, however, smart Republicans mostly talk business.

Recognize idiotic Republicans by their talk of "family values" or "the Muslim threat" or how "immigrants are ruining America".

Our culture at present is on the cusp of falling big time into the hands of this combined SmartDumb Dark Force. It will be fascism American style.

And you reading this, if you are a Republican, which kind are you?

Note 1: The above scheme applies only to current Republicans. Before Reagan the party sometimes had policies that, arguably, benefited the country. In other words, at times during the last century, it was possible to be a smart Republican and support the party for reasons other than mere lucre. As for current GOP policies, however, there is no way to argue that they help America.

Note 2: On that phrase "immigrants are ruining America," which one sometimes hears from idiotic Republicans. The sentence is actually probably true if one means "immigrants" to include and begin with those who landed at Plymouth Rock.

Note 3: The scheme can also be applied to the Republican leadership:


Smart. Hasn't quite mastered speaking idiotically.


Idiotic. Tried to sound smart on a few occasions, to disastrous effect. Went back to full-throttle 24/7 idiocy.


Cosmic Epicenter of Idiocy. As often with Epitomes, oddly not 100% idiotic. Somehow too indifferent to be a
complete idiot, as if his heart wasn't quite in the job.

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