Washington, D.C., August 29, 2011, The Disassociated Press
Two days after the Obama Administration released the President's official long-form birth certificate, Republican groups around the nation are swiftly unifying around a single response: the document is way too long.
"It's a handful to read through," complained Dick Toole of the Kentucky Tea Party Nation. "Heck, my birth certificate isn't half that long."
Speaker of the House John Boehner echoed a common sentiment: "Many of our supporters don't read, and this lengthy document is an affront to those Americans who are thus challenged."
Other Republicans felt suspicious of certain names on the certificate, especially pointing to the "foreign-sounding" name of the hospital where the President was born.
"So it says he was born in Kapiolani Hospital," quipped Wisconsin Tea Party organizer Lisa McNane. "That doesn't sound like an American name to me. Is it some kind of Muslim or politically correct ethnic name? I was born in a hospital with a completely English name: Waukesha County General."
Potential GOP candidate Donald Trump, who is credited by some with pushing the Obama Administration to release the official Hawaiian document, has also responded to the administration's move. His remarks could not be heard clearly, however, since he made them with his head stuck shoulder-deep up his ass.
MORE COWBELL . . .