THIS JUST IN

After centuries of civilization
And not a single hecatomb in his honor
Poseidon shakes tectonic plates
Heaves killer wave at Japan

Experts call for evacuations
See need for no-fly zone
Citing likelihood of meltdown
At Charlie Sheen's LA residence

IAEA warns disaster worse
Than Britney Spears meltdown
Or even Three Mile Island
The actor rated "one point below Chernobyl"

On Dancing with the Stars
Bin Laden also calls for no-fly zone
Against Ghadafi
Terrorist on Terrorist
In prime-time smackdown

Porn starlet says Libyan strongman
Only lasted three minutes

Was it a sleeper cell or Larry King
Put the powdered anthrax
In Piers Morgan's In-box?

Markets tumble as Obama Administration and NATO
Foot-drag over possible further sanctions
Against Glenn Beck's mouth

Fox News forces continue to pound
Rebel-held territory in breakaway oil rich
Wisconsin enclave

Millions wonder
What's it really like to bed Lady Gaga?

Open pools of spent soundbites ignite
Sending white smoke up
Over CNN headquarters in Atlanta

The Japanese deserve as much
Rants Tokyo Mayor

Sun rises in Taipei
I sip my coffee
Count my blessings