吃蝴蝶 Eating Butterflies

自然教學法

我還沒刮鬍子,人也還昏昏欲睡,但依然鎖上我在台北 這位於五樓的家門,等著電梯來。我看看手錶,上課快遲到 了。然後,當自高樓層龜速降下的電梯總算在我面前打開, 我便瞧見這位媽媽和她年幼的兒子。這對母子是樓上的住 戶;兒子差不多四、五歲,抱著一大片用保鮮膜包好的西瓜。 那是片黃肉西瓜,而且顏色就跟他 T 恤上印的腳踏車一般 黃。做媽媽的則提著一只過大的 LV 包包,臉上仍舊化著過 濃的彩妝。小男孩對我笑了一笑,但婦人始終低著頭。

接著,就在電梯關起門時,她忽然狠狠打了一下兒子的頭,還用中文破口大罵:「不要一直摸西瓜!都被你摸壞了誰還想吃啊!西瓜就像蝴蝶的翅膀,一摸就壞!」

電梯開始往下走。我從鏡中觀察小男孩的反應。

「有人會吃蝴蝶的翅膀嗎?」幾秒鐘後,兒子問媽媽。

她「嗤」了一聲,然後只回一個字:「笨。」她將那只大包包往身上一攬。

電梯快到一樓時,我和鏡中的小男孩對上了眼。就在這 個高大的外國人面前被打被羞辱,小男孩心裡肯定很不好受。正當電梯準備停在一樓,我便笑著告訴他:「我們國家的人會吃。」

於是小男孩望向媽媽,並在電梯即將開門之際不服輸地說:「他會吃蝴蝶的翅膀!」

我步出電梯,卻瞥見這位母親橫眉豎目地瞪著我。可是小男孩開心了。我知道他的腦袋正在描繪外國人吃著黃色蝴蝶的翅膀,那副津津有味的模樣。

如今,上課快遲到這件事已經變得無關緊要。我走進雨裡,撐起那把不大堅固的破傘朝著捷運站走去。我很慶幸能在電梯裡碰到那對母子。大人就該盡可能趁孩子年幼時,多多啟發他們才是。

寫於二○一四年

Natural Pedagogy

Unshaven, still drowsy, I lock the door to my 5th floor Taipei flat. I check my watch as I wait for the elevator, realizing I’ll likely be late for class. When the elevator door finally opens, after an annoyingly slow descent from a floor high above, I come face to face with some upper-story neighbors, a mother and her young son. The boy is four or five and carries a huge slice of watermelon covered in clear plastic wrap. I notice the yellow of the melon perfectly matches the yellow of the bicycle stenciled on his teeshirt. The mother, as usual, has way overdone her makeup, and is carrying an oversized Louis Vuitton bag. The boy smiles at me, but the woman keeps her gaze on the floor.

Then, as the doors close, she suddenly whacks her son sharply on the head and snaps in Mandarin: “Stop touching the melon! You’ll ruin it and no one will want to eat it! It’s like butterfly wings. If you touch them you ruin them!”

I watch the boy’s reaction in the mirror as the elevator begins to descend.

“Do people eat butterfly wings?” he asks her after a few seconds.

She makes a scoffing noise and says just a single word: “Stupid.” She clutches her bag closer to her.

As we near the ground floor, I catch the boy’s eye in the mirror. He’s clearly upset to be hit and insulted in front of the tall foreigner. As the elevator slows to a stop, I smile at him and say: “We eat them in my country.”

And just before the doors open, he looks up at his mother and defiantly says: “He eats them!”

As I step out of the elevator, I catch the mother scowling at me. But the boy is happy. I know in his mind he’s already picturing foreigners munching on yellow butterfly wings.

That I’ll be late for my class matters little now. I step out into the rain, hoist my flimsy umbrella, and head to the subway. I’m glad I caught them on the elevator. One must always try one’s best to get to children when they’re young.

2014

中文:

《白痴有限公司》: 還有犀牛、蝙蝠、obasans 、海豚、真英雄、台北秘史 and more. 你可以在台灣買到:



at Books.com

at 誠品

at 金石堂

Like 我的FB粉絲頁: Eric Mader 枚德林

English:

Have some deadpan with your coffee. From Idiocy, Ltd. Dryest humor in the west.