Yes, I can be fair too

At the second presidential debate of 2012

People sometimes accuse me of being virulently biased against the Republican Party, which I don't think is fair. I judge candidates on their policies, not on which party they represent. And so I watched last night's debate without the kind of venomous "Go team!" attitude many Americans bring to these contests. It's clear that this time Obama delivered the goods, winning through sheer strength of argument. But I must admit I was also impressed by Governor Romney's performance. For a lying flip-flopping chunk of animated vomit whose only goal is to game the system for the top 3 percent, Romney does manage to create a pretty good illusion of reasoned debate. Just saying.

The Romney-Ryan Bible Revisions, #6: The Rich Man and Lazarus

From Minutes: Scripture Meeting, 8/22/12

Rmny: This passage here, Luke 16:19-21, definitely sends the wrong message. The rich guy actually ends up begging from the poor guy!

Ryan: I know that passage.

Secty: We can change it. But how would you like to change it?

Rmny: Just do the usual. It's unrealistic the way it is.

Secty: OK, I should be able to get it on your desk by tomorrow.

* * *
Luke 16:19-21 Revised and Corrected in Line with Romney-Ryan Policies

Jesus: There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day. And at his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who longed to satisfy his hunger with what fell from the rich man's table; even the dogs would come and lick his sores.

The rich man died and was carried away by the Angels to be with Abraham. The poor man also died and was buried. In Hades, where he was being tormented, he looked up and saw Abraham far away with the rich man by his side.

He called out, 'Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send the rich man to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in agony in these flames.'

But Abraham said: 'Remember during your lifetime how you lay by the gate with the dogs, while the rich man worked in finance and built himself a fortune. Have you never heard the saying Necessity is the mother of invention?'

Lazarus said, 'But Father Abraham, people would not hire me for my sores, and I suffered madness.'

Abraham said, 'Between you and us a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who might want to pass from here to you cannot do so, and no one can cross from there to us. There is nothing we can do for you now.'

Lazarus said, 'Then, father, I beg you, send the rich man to my friends to warn them. Perhaps they can find some means to gather a fortune and so avoid these flames.'

Abraham said, 'They have Ayn Rand; they should read The Fountainhead.'

Lazarus said, 'No, Father Abraham, but if someone goes to them from the dead, they would understand.'

Abraham said, 'If they are not convinced by Ayn Rand, neither will they be convinced even if a rich man rises from the dead.'

See also THE REPUBLICAN GOSPEL: SAYINGS

Romney Faces Hard Sell with SC Unibrows

A Disassociated Press Report, January 13, 2012, Columbia, South Carolina

Fresh from victories in the Iowa and New Hampshire Republican primaries, frontrunner Mitt Romney faces a new challenge as the GOP contest moves to unibrow stronghold South Carolina.

In a state where more than 80 percent of Republican voters have the single brow genetic feature, new research shows Romney at a serious disadvantage against rival Newt Gingrich.

"Our study shows a clear pattern nationwide," University of Wisconsin-Madison anthropologist Doreen Klein says. "Among voters whose eyebrows separate over the bridge of the nose, Romney has a 14 percent lead. But among those voters who have a single eyebrow stretching across the forehead, Romney shows less than 4 percent support. Gingrich meanwhile comes in at 59 percent."

The Gingrich campaign is making the most of South Carolina's strong unibrow presence with a series of aggressive TV attack ads.

"We're going to hit him hard," Gingrich campaign staffer Dave Carney said.

The first of these ads, unveiled Wednesday, shows Gingrich in a loincloth roasting slabs of an unidentified large mammal over a fire. The ad then cuts to footage of Mitt Romney in a Parisian restaurant speaking French to a waiter.

"I'm Newt Gingrich," the ad ends with the candidate standing before a cave painting of running bison. "And I know what's good for South Carolina."

Unibrow and South Carolina resident Tracy Klugian at a Tea Party rally to kick off the Republican primary. "I don't know who I'm supporting yet," says Klugian, "but I'm Republican all the way. We've had enough of these foreign presidents recently."


Unibrows have a long history in the Republican Party. In this undated file photo, ex-president George W. Bush is shown with the trait. Advisers later persuaded Bush to begin shaving above the nose.