Wednesday, January 7, 2009

ZEI: Stranger in the Palace

These are some more ZEI student riffs on the Odyssey. . . .

After discovering a naked and battered Odysseus near the shore, the Phaeacian princess Nausicaa clothes him and brings him to the palace. She leads him through the great hall to the King and Queen, but as she does she must walk past a banqueting table of Phaeacian lords, who stare at the stranger entering with the princess. What do the banqueting lords say to each other as they spot the foreign guest?


LORD A: I hope I will be the princess' husband, then all the money will--

LORD B: Hey, stop daydreaming! Our sensible princess would never do this. Unless she were blind that is.

LORD C: Right. My son has all the qualifications to be the princess' husband.

LA: Hey, look!

Odysseus and the princess walk into the hall.

LA: Who is that man?

LB: Maybe he's the princess' prince on a white horse.

LC: No way! My son is more handsome than he is.

LA: No! No! He won't get the chance to loot my princess and my money!

THE KING (approaching): You all shut up!


LORD A: (Looks at Odysseus with surprise) . . .

LORD B: (Opens mouth) . . .

LORD C: Wow!

LB: (Hits table angrily) . . .

LC: Ouch! Why are you hitting me?

LA: Are you a man or a little boy? Coward!

LC: But he hit me!

LB: I was hitting the table, baby. But don't you want to marry Nausicaa? Who is this foreigner?

LA: Shut up already, you two!

LORD D: I really wish I were the king so I could kick you fools out of here!


LORD A: Look! Nausicaa is coming in with another man!

LORD B: Who is he?

LORD C: Maybe he's a diplomat.

LB: He looks very serious, like a god. Perhaps Nausicaa wants to marry him.

LC: So my son's dream is gone! I have to prevent this foreigner somehow.

LA: Do you think we should kill him?

LB: Good idea.

LC: Does anyone know anything about this guy?

LA: Not me.

LB: Hey, listen. He's explaining to the king.

LC: I don't like it at all.

LB: We have to find out the truth about this guy.


LORD A: Who’s the man with the princess?

LORD B: Oh! I know! It’s BATMAN! I’m his BIG fan!

LORD C: Don’t be stupid. Batman has a mask, this guy doesn’t.

A: I think he might be a prince from another island.

C: But why did they find him naked? That’s what I heard at least.

B: Mmm. Maybe he’s really Superman and forgot to buy new red underpants. Maybe his old red underpants--

C: When are you going to grow up? You act like a kid.

B: It’s OK, because as for you, you’re too OLD, that’s why Nausicaa doesn’t like you!

C: What? Say it one more time!

B: She doesn’t like you!

(C punches B)

B: MAMA! MAMA! Owww! It really hurts! How can you just hit me like that? Are you a mad man? They should take you to a doctor!

A: SILENCE! Stop fighting, you two babies! Are you forgetting that she is here?

B and C: . . . Ooops.


LORD A: Hey, our beautiful princess is back.

LORD B: Yeah, and with a strange foreigner who’s flattering her.

LORD C: Hey, they’re walking toward the king.

B: What a proud guy. He enters the hall and doesn’t even say hello to us.

C: I think he’s good-looking. He must be good at talking too.

A: Shut up already. Don’t you know that the princess soon will be my wife?

C: Really? I didn’t know that. In fact I think Nausicaa likes me more.

B: No, no. You’re both wrong. She likes me more than anyone else. She always asks me if she’s pretty or not.

A: She asks everyone that. What do you say to her?

B: Do I look like a fool? Of course I say she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

C: She can tell you’re just flattering her.

B: Fortunately I’m not like you guys. You’re always buying her LV and Hermes bags, but she never looks at you. Not once.

KING (coming to the table): Buying who LV bags? What are you all talking about?

LORDS: Uhhh. . . nothing, your majesty.

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