Saturday, April 6, 2013

Things Jesus Wouldn't Do

Jesus wouldn't do wrong. Jesus wouldn't have a prayer among the far right. Jesus wouldn't have no suits or nothin fancy like that but he'd be dressed good. Jesus wouldn't say nothin to Greg or get mad at him cuz of what he said about me in lunch that one time. Jesus wouldn't skulk outside an abortion doctor's kitchen window and shoot him. Jesus wouldn't picket a gay man's funeral and shout "God hates fags." Jesus wouldn't vote a straight Republican ticket. Jesus wouldn't be living in Virginia. Jesus wouldn't have those big round nostrils. Jesus wouldn't like German philosophers. Jesus wouldn't need a web page to get laid. Jesus wouldn't offer to bubble bathe only with young women. He'd bathe with lepers, geeks, whatever. Jesus wouldn't blatantly market himself to the masses. Jesus wouldn't neglect to pack his lunch day after day. Jesus wouldn't support a company that preys on children. Jesus wouldn't do what you're doing, now would he? Jesus wouldn't drive an SUV. Jesus wouldn't be like that. Jesus wouldn't do that; he'd go home alone before he ever did that. Jesus wouldn't have to go much of anywhere, and rarely need to get anywhere fast. Jesus wouldn't be driving at all. Jesus wouldn't bless the status quo or cheerlead our culture wars. Jesus wouldn't drop bombs. Jesus wouldn't tell a falsehood about spiritual matters, even within a parable. Jesus wouldn't buy anything more expensive than the Volvo that I own. Jesus wouldn't slam your finger in the door if you made Him mad. Jesus wouldn't be afraid to walk into this joint or any other speakeasy to preach the gospel. Jesus wouldn't have made the best all-American quarterback in the history of football. Jesus wouldn't come today as a freak. He'd be a normal guy. Jesus wouldn't be driving around in a sports car. Jesus wouldn't budge. Jesus wouldn't stand for the stuff you're handing out. Jesus wouldn't dance when they piped. Jesus wouldn't have asked me in that tone of voice. Jesus wouldn't call down fire from heaven to burn up a city. Jesus wouldn't kill. Jesus wouldn't teach us to do something unethical, yet if I were to find a treasure on your property and not tell you, then buy it from you and reap the benefits of the treasure, I would be considered unethical. Jesus wouldn't use auto-responders that said things like "Thanks for the email, but I'm too busy to answer you." Jesus wouldn't get mad if the level of competition dropped because a lot of people played who had little experience. Jesus wouldn't have had pale blue eyes. Jesus wouldn't want you to ignore Mary and Joseph today when they are so close to him in Heaven. Jesus wouldn't belong to the human race but to another species or order not human. Jesus wouldn't want me to be unhappy, not after all I've been through. Jesus wouldn't have said this stuff if he expected everyone to meekly answer "Yes sir, whatever you say sir" to all the things He was teaching them. Jesus wouldn't pay and so we don't need to either. Jesus wouldn't submit himself to their theological view of the world. Jesus wouldn't be crucified by Christians, would he?

[Googlism. Text generated 2003 by Google search of "Jesus wouldn't"]


Anonymous said...

Jesus wouldn't be readin this either.

Anonymous said...

For Christ's man, did you really have to say it? ;)