Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Jurors Speak

Casey Anthony's 'Bella Vita' tattoo.
Juror #3: Thing is, most of us here, we just felt, well, we felt there was a REASONABLE DOUBT that Casey didn't do it. I mean, it might not of been her is all. For myself personally, I think it's very possible a girl might clean her trunk with chloroform--especially, you know, if that trunk really stinks.

Juror #11: Yeah, I gotta agree with you there. I once let a few packs of ground beef in my trunk for ten days and, whooo, I'm tellin' ya, I wish I'd o' thought of chloroform myself.

Juror #4: Chloroform ain't that hard to get is all I know. My brother Zeke, he uses it all the time to sedate gals down at Randy's.

Juror #7: Whoah, girl! Randy's? I'm down at Randy's every Friday! I think I know your brother--Ned, right? He's a hoot!

Juror #4: Yeah, Ned. He's got plenty o' chloroform in his trunk, and he ain't no murderer. He ain't never killed no one, least not as I know.

Juror #6: I been to Randy's a few times. Can't say as I know Ned. But for me, well, whether Casey really done it or not, that's one thing, but it shore would be a pity to send a girl with such nice tits to the death chamber.

Juror #1: You got that right, Don. I mean, we here in Orange County, we got a regular deficit o' gals like that. This ain't no Miami up here. We can't afford to gas gals like that.

Juror #12: You guys are jis NAUGHTY! You shouldn't let yourselves be swayed by stuff like that! The fact is, most of us, we chose Not Guilty because someone else might o' feasibly done it. I mean, they couldn't PROVE BEYOND REASONABLE DOUBT that Casey done it. That's just how it is.

Juror #6: That's true.

Juror #12: As for myself, I'm wondering about that meter reader. That guy was a MEDIA HOUND. And you know what they say--how criminals go back to the scene of their crime. Well, that guy just kept goin' back to look at that skull. How many times that guy go back there?

Juror #4: I'm thinking it was drowning. That girl loved that pool too much, and they just didn't keep that door locked. That poor girl drowned, and then the meter reader probably saw it and decided to get famous by putting the body in the swamp.

Juror #1: It is certainly possible that meter reader got into the house through the same door Caylee got out. He had to get in to get the laundry bag to wrap her body in. Those meter readers, you gotta keep an eye on them always. They see a lot o' things from their job description, they're lookin' in everybody's yards and windows, and a really important question that comes from this case is--What kind of other trouble you think meter readers might be gettin' up to? We gotta keep a better eye on them.

Juror #8: After what that girl's father did to her, how she escaped her TRAUMATIC THOUGHTS by creating all those fantasy friends, I been thinkin' this is really what they call a case of MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER. I don't care what the doctors said, that girl just couldn't of made up so many fake people. She's a SCHITSAPHRENIC.

Juror #6: Well, I'd shore be willin' to help her with some massage therapy is all I got to say.

Juror #12: Shut your pie hole, Don! I jis told ya this is not the place! You wanna talk like that, you wait till Casey shows up down at Randy's, then you go offer her your massage therapy an' see what she says!

Juror #1: I'd shore buy her a drink. I'm waitin' for it! I think bein' a juror an' all, she owes me one.

Juror #6: Now there you're thinkin'!

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