Tuesday, August 2, 2011


There are idiots in every country in the world and idiots can be annoying or even dangerous.

Sometimes idiots even become presidents or national leaders. In that case, millions of people will suffer.

It is important to know how to recognize idiots and to know what kind of idiots they are, so that you can protect yourself and your loved ones from danger or many wasted hours.

But I don't really want to write about idiots here, what I want to write about is pandas. Pandas are not really bears, like most people think, but are actually cats pretending to be bears. They are large, stinking vegetarian cats posing as bears so as to appear special.

Pandas should be illegal. The only thing worse than a panda is a Kung-Fu panda. And the only thing worse than that is a Kung-Fu panda in 3-D.

How long are you going to let them fool you? They are going to eat through all the bamboo forests in the world and then they will start eating domestic livestock and children. There are videos to prove this.

That pandas are cats and not bears should be obvious to everyone by now. All you have to do is look in the encyclopedia.

Cats are actually not even mammals. What they are is reptiles that have evolved fur so as to appear to be mammals. Cats may seem cute when you look at them, but that is just an act. When humans are not looking, cats commit all manner of evil and unhygienic acts.

If you see wild dolphins in the ocean, you may want to swim near them, but this is not a good idea because wild dolphins might not like you and also sharks often follow dolphins because they feed on them.

If they think you are being a pain, wild dolphins can kill you by butting you with their heads. But even if the dolphins ignore you, the shark may interpret your swimming which is less graceful than the dolphins as the movements of a dolphin having a seizure, and the shark may then attack you because it thinks you are easy prey, which is just about right, you stupid New Age twit.

Some authorities believe that cats are actually trying to take over the universe.

Chameleons that have not encountered predators for a long time may become so lazy that they forget how to change color. Such chameleons are good for nothing and do not even deserve to be called chameleons.

We hold these truths to be self-evident.


This and 42 other important public service announcements can be found in my new book Idiocy, Ltd.

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