Sunday, June 14, 2009

Vlad: I.

We thought he was our friend, but he was really a vampire.

It all started when Vlad Teppich saw a travel brochure for Taiwan. He was tired of Europe, and wanted to escape. He thought Taiwan looked beautiful, so he called the Taipei Hilton.

A man with a Chinese accent answered the phone. "Taipei Hilton. May I help you?"

"I would like to reserve a room," said Vlad.

"What date will you be coming?" asked the man.

"I need a room for December 14th."

"And how many nights will you be staying?"

"I don't know," said Vlad.

"Okay. How many people will be with you?"

"There will be two of us."

"Do you want a room with two double beds or one Queen-sized bed?" asked the man.

"Two double beds please. I also need a coffin in my room."

"I'm sorry," said the man. "Did you say a coffin?"

"Yes, a coffin please. One coffin."

There was a long pause on the line. Finally the man asked: "Why do you need a coffin?"

"Because I want to put a lot of things in it," said Vlad.

"But our hotel has closets. You may put your goods in the closet. Not in the coffin!"

"Alright, I will bring my own coffin then! What kind of restaurants do you have near your hotel?"

"There is a Chinese restaurant, a Japanese restaurant, and a French restaurant."

"Do you have a blood restaurant near the hotel?" Vlad asked.

"A blood restaurant? Did you say blood restaurant?"


"Sir, I'm sorry, but I don't think there is a blood restaurant in Taipei."

"No blood restaurants? That's too bad."

"Let me tell you about our hotel, sir. We have the largest indoor swimming pool in Taipei, open 7:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. seven days a week."

"I hate swimming," said Vlad. "People stare at my white skin."

"Okay… I'm sorry to hear that, sir. We also have a gym. The gym's hours are--"

"Do you have blood skating?" interrupted Vlad.

Again there was a pause on the line. "No," said the man, "I'm sorry, but we don't have blood skating."

"Can I bring my bats?" asked Vlad.

"Bats? You want to bring bats?" asked the man. "I never talked with such an interesting person! Yes, you can bring them if you want. But if you want to bring bats, there will be an extra pet charge of 500 NT per night."

"That's no problem. I'm very rich."

"Fine. May I have your name, sir?"

"My last name is Teppich--T - E - P - P - I - C - H. And my first name is Vlad."

"Okay. How will you be paying for the room: with cash or credit card?"

"I will pay with gold," said Vlad. "Gold coins."

"Okay, sir. We will see you on December 14th."


[Chapter I by Alice, Grace, Eric.]

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