Sunday, June 14, 2009

Vlad: III.

Vlad and Yukio were eating ice desserts together at the night market. Vlad thought the desserts looked disgusting, but decided to try one anyway. Vlad chose the Taro Ice, and Yukio had the Red Bean.

"Red Bean is my favorite," said Yukio. "You should try it some time."

Vlad shrugged his shoulders and took another bite of the chewy taro. He was in a bad mood that night. He had been in Taipei for two weeks now, and he had only found three good victims.

"I'm thinking about finding a job," he said to Yukio.

"A job?" replied Yukio in surprise. "You have millions in the bank! Why do you want a job?"

"I need to meet more suitable victims," answered Vlad. "I think a job will put me close to more people. But I've never had a job in my life. I don't know what kind to get."

Yukio frowned. It was obvious he didn't like Vlad's idea.

"Will you listen to the advice of an experienced vampire?" he asked, sliding his bowl of ice to the side.

"Of course," said Vlad.

"A vampire should never have a job," said Yukio. "It never works."

"But why?" asked Vlad.

"I will give you some examples," replied Yukio. "But first, what kind of job do you want?"

"Well, I always liked fine food. I thought I might be a cook in a European restaurant."

"You can never work as a cook, Vlad. You will get fired."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," answered Yukio. "You shouldn't be a cook, because if you are a cook you might cook things people can't eat. I have a friend who worked as a cook in Rome, and he was finally fired because he made bat-wing salad and blood soup. Being a cook is a bad idea."

"Hmm, I guess you're right," said Vlad. "Maybe I should be a doctor then."

"You shouldn't be a doctor either, Vlad. If you're a doctor, you might be tempted to suck people's blood while they're in the hospital. The patients will soon tell the police about you."

"That sounds reasonable," said Vlad. "You’re probably right."

"And you shouldn't work as a police officer, because if you work as a police officer you might get in serious trouble. The other officers would be able to arrest you easily because you're with them at the station. If they find out you're a vampire, you'll get arrested the next day."

"I guess you're right," said Vlad.

"You shouldn't pretend to work as a missionary either, because if you go into a church you might burn your hand on a cross or Bible. The people will see you're a vampire, and they'll throw all the crosses at you and maybe kill you."

"That sounds reasonable, Yukio. You're probably right."

"You shouldn't work in a furniture store or a store that has mirrors in it. If you do, the customers might see you have no reflection and they'll know you're a vampire and call the police. So you can't work in a furniture store either."

"That sounds reasonable," said Vlad. "I have to admit it."

"You shouldn't work in a KTV, because if you work in a KTV you might sing, and then people will see your teeth."

"You're probably right, Yukio."

"You shouldn't be a dancer, because if you're a dancer you might cross your legs, and then you will see a cross. And you shouldn't work in a drugstore because if you work in a drugstore you might give the customers your bat medication by accident."

"I guess you’re right, Yukio."

"You shouldn't work in a pet store either, Vlad. You might need blood one day and then you'll be tempted to bite the necks of the cute little dogs and kittens. That is very sad, Vlad, so you shouldn't do it."

"I know," said Vlad. "You’re probably right. I needed blood once when I was in France, and I bit a horse's neck. The horse died, and I was very sad about it."

"You shouldn't work in a Chinese restaurant, because if you work in a Chinese restaurant you might smell garlic and get sick. And you shouldn't work in a train station, because you might think the train looks like a coffin and then you'll fall asleep. You shouldn't be a taxi driver or a basketball player or a lawyer, and I will tell you why, Vlad. If you are a--"

"Okay, Yukio! Okay!" interrupted Vlad. "I don't want to find a job! I think you're probably right. But how can I find more victims here? I don't know what to do."

The two friends sat in silence for a moment.

"I have a good idea," said Yukio finally. "You should be a student at an English language institute."

"Why do you say that?" asked Vlad.

"I think it's a good idea. A language school is a very good place to find victims. When I was in Japan, I found my best victims at English institutes."

"Hmm. It sounds like a good idea," said Vlad. "My English isn't very good, and I might learn better English while I look for victims. And there are twenty or thirty victims in every class. Yes, I like it! Let's go look at some English schools, okay?"

"Let's go!" said Yukio.

Suddenly the two vampires changed into bats and flew up and away from the night market stand. The woman making ice desserts screamed and dropped a bowl of taro on the ground, and all the street dogs started barking at once.

[Chapter III by Felicia, Grace, Luke, Annie, Candy.]

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